What Women Actually Want from a Man
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It’s the age-old question: what do women actually want?
Well, when it came to uncovering what I deeply craved from my husband, the conclusions I came to were actually pretty surprising to me...
What Women Really Crave in a Partner
At the core, women long for a man who can hold steady. Not domineering. Not controlling. But a leader in the truest sense:
A man with a spine — rooted in integrity, unafraid to lead with direction and clarity.
A man doing his own healing — one who doesn’t collapse under conflict or project unhealed wounds.
A man who can hold the storm — steady enough to weather our moods, hormones, emotions, and tides without fleeing or fixing.
For me, this was hard to accept. My trauma had left me deeply mistrusting of the masculine. I equated leadership with domination, control, and taking. Learning the difference between the immature masculine and the mature masculine changed my perspective. And learning to lead with respect changed everything.
The Feminine Need to Soften
Deep down, what women want is to exhale. To surrender. To rest in the safety of a steady container.
We want space to be fully ourselves — in all our chaos, creativity, tears, and fire — without being judged, dismissed, or “handled.” We don’t need to be fixed. We need to be held.
Here’s the tricky part: when women don’t feel safe, we test. We unconsciously throw out little challenges: Can I trust you? Will you stand when I fall apart?
And when our needs aren’t met, we often go to extremes — emasculating our men, browbeating them in hopes they’ll finally lead.
But what we actually want isn’t to control or dominate. It’s for him to rise into his own wholeness — so we can finally rest in ours.
The book Love & Respect had a huge impact on me. It's main tenet is:
Men crave respect like air — admiration, trust, and freedom from constant criticism.
Women crave unconditional love — to be seen, held and cherished.
And to deny to deny either is like slow suffocation. The truth is, both are sacred. Both are needed. Both make love thrive. And when one is denied, like a snowball effect, the relationship can begin to spiral.
The tricky thing is, in our deep need to secure unconditional love, we often act in ways that step all over our partner's need for respect.
So, what do women actually want?
We want to be met. Not by a perfect man, but by a whole one. A man rooted in himself, so that we can finally soften into ourselves.
And this is the invitation for both partners: to show up more whole, more healed, more willing to meet each other in truth.
That’s the work. That’s the path to love that doesn’t just survive — it revives.
✨ If this speaks to you, and you’re ready to do the inner work that heals marriages from the inside out, I’d love to walk alongside you. Work with me here.
