Motherhood Didn't Create the Wound: Navigating Motherhood and the Motherwound

June 26, 2026•3 min read

There is a quiet grief that many mothers carry but rarely talk about.

It's the grief of mothering your own children while mourning the mother you needed.

Sometimes that grief comes from frank abuse. Sometimes it comes from abandonment. Sometimes your mother was physically present but emotionally unavailable. And sometimes, despite her best intentions, she simply said or did things that broke you.

Even if you had a generally great mom, there's always that friction there somewhere...

Because, I believe, we chose our mother's for a specific lesson that our soul came here to learn in this iteration.

Whatever your story, becoming a mother has a way of bringing those old wounds back to the surface; motherhood has a remarkable way of illuminating the places within us that are still asking to be loved.

Healing the Motherwound:

Motherhood didn't create the wounds. It simply revealed them.

But there are ways we can begin to heal them.

Remember that Motherhood Is a Mirror

Every developmental stage of your child can potentially awaken a wound. When they are scared, you may notice how desperately you still long to feel safe. When they cry, you may become aware of the ways you suppress your own emotions. When they need comfort, you may find where you needed tenderness and got something that hurt instead.

Stop Expecting Yourself to "Be Over It"

One of the biggest mistakes we make is believing healing means we won't hurt anymore.

But grief doesn't follow a straight line. It moves in spirals.

Instead of asking, "Why am I still struggling with this?"

Try asking,

"What part of me needs compassion today?"

Re-Mothering Yourself

Re-mothering is learning to offer yourself what you've spent your entire life searching for from someone else.

When you're overwhelmed, can you slow down instead of criticizing yourself?

When you're grieving, can you allow the tears instead of pushing them away?

When you make a mistake, can you offer yourself grace instead of shame?

Because the way we speak to ourselves becomes the emotional environment our children grow up witnessing.

Healing Doesn't Require Forced Forgiveness

I believe forgiveness is beautiful. I also believe it cannot be forced.

Too often, women pressure themselves to forgive before they've allowed themselves to fully acknowledge the pain. Real healing isn't pretending something didn't hurt. It's telling yourself the truth about what happened. It's honoring your grief. It's making space for anger, sadness, disappointment, and longing without judgment.