How to Lose a Good Man (Without Even Realizing It) — and How to Keep the Sacred Dance of Polarity Alive

Listen to the accompanying podcast here.

In the quiet corners of everyday life, love, connection and passion sometimes fade. You might not even notice the cracks forming. A thing we tend to overlook: the sacred interplay of masculine and feminine energy—what some call polarity—and how we either nurture it, or kill it without realizing.

Imagine him as the stable riverbanks, you as the water flowing. That metaphor captures the essence of polarity at its best. The masculine sets the boundary, shape, structure. The feminine flows with trust, softness, expression. In healthy polarity:

• A man creates the container where a woman can soften, feel safe, express.

• A woman fills the container with emotion, intuition, presence, life.
  When one tries to be the other—or both try to be the same—then attraction, intimacy, and growth often fade.

Polarity can silently die when you slip out of your feminine role (softness, trust, expression) or he steps out of his masculine role (presence, protection, direction).
When the structure disappears (him stepping back), the water floods. When the flow disappears (you shutting down), the river becomes stagnant.
The good man often doesn’t walk away because he stopped loving you. He walks away because he no longer feels safe to love you. Because the dance stopped. Because the polarity faded. And when the dance ends, grief masquerades as anger, distance as resignation.

7 Steps to Losing a Good Man:

1️⃣ Correct him when he’s trying to lead.

When a man reaches toward leadership in his family—whether it’s making a decision, holding space, offering support—and you correct him in the moment, the masculine energy retreats. According to relationship-energy theory, masculine energy thrives by holding container, offering form and direction.
When you correct him, his container gets punctured.

2️⃣ Focus on his faults instead of his heart.

In the dynamic of relationships, a man often becomes the version of himself he believes he is in your eyes. If all you mirror is his wrongs—his struggle—you starve his ability to lead confidently. Hold the good in him in your eyes and watch as he steps into that good.

3️⃣ Try to control instead of inspire.

Masculine energy loses itself under control. Feminine energy loses its softness under rigidity. The polarity vanishes. According to sacred polarity teachings, when both partners wander into the same energetic role (both masculine/both feminine) the magnetism goes flat.

You don’t need to tell him what to do. You need to inspire him to want to do it. Let your admiration and trust call him forward.

4️⃣ Compare him to other men.

Comparison is poison to connection. No man wants to compete with your memory or your fantasy—he wants to be seen for the man he already is, and the one he’s becoming.

5️⃣ Expect him to read your mind.

Polarity depends on clarity—masculine energy longs for clear direction; feminine energy longs to feel safe and held. When you withhold your heart’s truth, he’s left without direction, and you without safety. According to polarity frameworks, when one side lacks clarity, the container collapses.

6️⃣ Nag instead of appreciate.

A man blooms where he’s valued. Gratitude speaks louder than demands. Remind him that you see him—and watch him rise.

7️⃣ Disrespect him in public.

Polarity thrives in honor and trust. If the man doesn’t feel respected, he doesn’t feel safe to lead. When masculine energy isn’t trusted, it withdraws or becomes controlling.

A man needs to know you’ve got his back. Honor him out loud, and he’ll move mountains for you in private.

Reignite the Dance

If you feel the good man you have is slipping away beneath your fingertips—or maybe that you would like to inspire the good in your man—start here:

• Receive his effort. Let your eyes and heart say: “I saw you try.”

• Speak your truth softly, clearly. Invite him into your world.

• Honor his container: let him lead while you flow.

• Trust your soft power: your vulnerability is not weakness—it’s the portal to intimacy.

• Create rituals of recognition: moments where you honor him for stepping in.

• Invite polarity: Let him be the bank, you the water. Let the river flow.

Let your softness invite his strength. Let his strength honor your flow. Let your marriage become a river, with banks and water in beautiful, wild movement.

Ready to reclaim your feminine power and restore the flow in your marriage?
I’ve created a 5‑Day Self‑Care Reset to help you reconnect with your needs, your energy, and your feminine essence—so you can step fully into your relationship and watch your man rise into his masculine.