Emotional Alchemy: How to Transform Pain into Power
I used to think the only way to deal with my feelings was to let them explode—or shove them down. For years, I ping-ponged between being fiery and reactive (tantrums, yelling, emotional outbursts) and being “the good wife” who swallowed everything. Neither worked. Exploding left destruction in my wake, and suppressing only brewed bitterness, sarcasm, and victimhood.
The truth is, emotions don’t need to be controlled. They need to be transmuted.
That’s where emotional alchemy comes in. Inspired by Dr. Kelly Brogan’s idea of “entering through the upset,” I began to see each wave of anger, grief, or fear not as an enemy but as a portal. Emotional alchemy is simply the practice of transforming those raw, uncomfortable feelings into insight, resilience, and peace.
The Practice of Emotional Alchemy
Instead of stuffing emotions or spewing them, we move through them. Here’s the step-by-step process I practice and teach:
Pause + Breathe
In the heat of a trigger, take three deep breaths. Make your exhale one beat longer than your inhale. This signals safety to your nervous system.
Take a Time-out
If you can’t show up as your higher self, give yourself permission to walk away. A simple, “I need time to think; let’s revisit this later,” honors both you and the other person.
Feel It Fully
Set aside 30–60 seconds to really sit with the emotion. Where does it live in your body? Does it burn, tighten, weigh down? Name it. Describe it. Get curious.
Acknowledge + Thank It
Ask your emotion: “How are you here to serve or what are you here to protect me from?” Recognize its purpose. Thank it for serving you, even if that service is outdated.
Release
Allow the energy to move. Cry, journal, shake it out, laugh—whatever your body needs to let the charge pass through.
Emotional Alchemy in Action
I’ve had moments in conflict with my husband where I felt the familiar rise of rage and despair. In the past, I would have lashed out—or shut down. Now, I pause, breathe, recognize the old pattern, and honor the part of me that just wants to feel safe. More often than not, the heavy emotion deflates, sometimes even leaving me laughing in relief.
The Invitation
Every upset is a sacred opportunity. Your emotions aren’t flaws to fix—they are teachers, guides, and portals into deeper wholeness. The next time you feel triggered, try practicing emotional alchemy. Hold yourself with the tenderness of a loving grandmother. Let the storm move through you.
And if you want guidance walking this path, I’d love to support you in one-on-one coaching. Because when you learn to alchemize your emotions, you don’t just heal yourself—you transform your relationships and your life.
