Beginning a Blissful Mothering Journey: How to Create your Perfect Postpartum
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There is a saying that most likely you have never heard of, “the first 40 days for the next 40 years.” Meaning that the first 40 days after giving birth are absolutely critical for a woman’s health for the rest of her life.
Whether birthing at home, at a birth center or in a hospital, crunchy moms are pretty hip on creating a detailed birth plan these days. But you know what we are generally overlooking? A good postpartum plan! Lack of understanding about the importance of the postpartum period, coupled with lack of support for new mothers and a push to “get back to normal,” are contributing to an epidemic of post-birth issues. In fact, this misunderstanding about the sacredness of the postpartum period factors into the high rates of postpartum depression, pelvic floor dysfunction, marital dissatisfaction and more. (And, let me tell you, I neglected my postpartum with my first four children and I suffered all the consequences!)
Traditions around the world and throughout time have honored this period as sacred. But here in the West, we tend to treat postpartum as a brief window allotted to physical recovery, friends and family coming by to see the new baby, and then it's back to business as usual. And if you’re a working mom, it’s likely just two weeks maternity leave, and then back to work! Yikes!
In many cultures, new parents observe an extended period of time at home, being cared for after giving birth. Japanese mothers observe ‘osouji’ for 100 days. Moroccan mothers observe ‘al-taqsan’ for 40 days. Indian mothers observe ‘jaapa’ for 40 days. Chinese mothers observe ‘zuò yuè zi’ for the first 30 days. And Korean mothers observe ‘saam chil ill’ for three weeks. Many traditions include special postpartum ointments and baths, belly binding and massages. Hearty, warming foods are another staple of traditional care. These traditions are intended to help new moms to rest, heal, and nourish to regain strength and vitality.
But over here in the West we’ve got Super-Mom Syndrome. We expect and are expected to 'bounce back' after birth. In fact, we’re praised and complimented for it! So we plaster on a smile for guests and social media, while feeling deep down that something about this just isn’t right.
I was back up and at it with my first four children - doing chores and serving guests - proud of how fast I was recovering. I was proud of not needing help. I was proud of getting right back to work. I was proud when people told me how great I looked. But, inside I was really suffering, needing help and support, yet feeling guilty for asking. And, looking back, the most heartbreaking part is how much dishonoring this time cost me years of joy.
The postpartum period is a time of high neuroplasticity, meaning it is a time when your brain is literally being rewired. And that means that what you do, feel and think during those first 40 days has a profound influence on who you are for the rest of your life! So, do you want to rewire yourself for stress, anxiety and overwhelm? Or do you want to rewire yourself for love, joy and contentment? The latter, of course!
I was fortunate to learn all of this before giving birth to my fifth child, and I took all the steps I could to correct what had been dishonored, ignored and neglected in the past. And, let me tell you, it made a world of difference! I had the BEST postpartum when I honored my need for rest, warmth, bonding and support.
So, now, I want to share with you the secret recipe for your perfect postpartum.
Get Your Mind Right
The first step is mindset.
Before you can ask for or accept help, you need to know you're worthy of it. This is the hardest step for most of us. Frame postpartum support as a non-negotiable. You not only deserve, but you need support during this time in life. Be ready and willing to ask for it and to accept it.
You also need to come to terms with the fact that the best thing for you postpartum is to do nothing but lie in bed with your baby naked sleeping, cuddling and breastfeeding. I know (from experience) this is hard. We have been trained our whole lives to do, do, do. Our worth is tied up in our doingness. But, in early postpartum, the work needing doing is bonding with your baby and recovering. And that may look like doing nothing from the outside, but it is very important work!
Plan Ahead
Make a plan! Get your resources together before baby arrives, because afterwards your mom-brain will be kicking in hardcore! Harness that nesting energy and make lists of what you’ll need, what you'll need help with, and who can help.
The big three for needed help are usually house cleaning, cooking and childcare (if there are older siblings). Make a detailed list of all of your chores so that someone else can take them on for a little while.
When you think about how long you’ll need help for, remember the 5-5-5 rule: five days in the bed, five days in the bedroom, five days in the house. That means the first five days, you should only get out of bed to pee and someone else needs to take care of all of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc. Maybe your mom or mother-in-law wants to come sleep in the guest room those first five nights?
Use this time to gather supplies, as well. Sitz baths, peri bottles, pads, coconut water, heating pads, clean sheets and blankets, etc. Make a supplies station next to your bed for quick access.
Get Support
Reach out to friends and family before baby arrives and get a commitment for support. Using your list of needs, assign someone to each duty for as long as you’ll need the help. Think about neighbors who could swing by with groceries, an aunt who could take siblings to the park, friends who could drop by and do a load of laundry for you. The more people you can get on that list, the less you’ll feel you’re burdening one person.
Talk to your partner about how important his help is for you. Make sure he understands and is onboard with supporting you. He may need a day or two to recover post-birth. But he doesn’t have the physical aspect of recovery that you do.
You may want to invest a little money into a postpartum doula, housekeeper or babysitter for your older kids. An investment of a few hundred dollars could make a lifetime of difference!
Nourishment
Warming, nourishing foods and extra hydration are super important for postpartum recovery. This is a time to eat really well and avoid junk food! Make sure you’re stocked up on nutritious snacks and electrolytes to reach for when you are dehydrated and starving from all that breastfeeding.
If you’re the primary chef of the family, you’ll need to plan for dinners. Have you ever heard of a ‘nesting party’? It’s where you get together with your besties and cook freezer meals for your postpartum!
Preparing with cooked meals ready-to-go in the freezer is great. But you know what’s even better? Fresh, hot meals delivered to your door! Get a close friend or family member is start you a meal train and add as many people as possible to the invite list.
Womb & Breast Care
Remember to nurture your lady parts, too! Your vagina and breasts go through immense changes during birth and postpartum. They’re cramping, bleeding, leaking, engorged and sometimes suffer from tears or blisters. Ouch.
Make sure to have on-hand healing supplies, like heating pads, ointments, herbal sitz baths, and peri bottles. Also be sure to have a list of practitioners ready to reach out to to receive support. Lactation councilors, midwives, doulas, acupuncturists and chiropractors can all help with postpartum ailments.
Getting a yoni steam, womb moxibustion or belly binding from a postpartum doula can be a wonderful treat, too!
Please support yourself, your friends and your family during this time! This 40 days can make a lifetime of difference for a new mom!
And if you are in the North Florida area, me or my lovely eldest daughter would love to support you as a postpartum doula with Aurora Holistic Birth. We also have this pregnancy journal available with guided prompts to help you manifest your perfect postpartum.
